Help Yourself: 7 Tips for Meaningful Gatherings

I love a gathering. Having people over for dinners, holidays, catch-ups over coffee, and (most especially) Martini Fridays is my excuse to connect and show gratitude for the people in my life. Watching my mom as the hostess with the mostest, and eventually falling in love with cooking myself, we make quite the team when our very large family descends. For a period, we also became pros at delivering meals for hordes of family when my grandparents were with us. The older I get, the more I appreciate watching my mom setting the tables, planning the menu, cleaning, shopping, and decorating.

Over the years, I’ve noticed how easy hosting can be. Yes, maybe it’s the company, but also, the fuss of organizing, planning, and managing all the little details has fallen by the wayside. Because the priority isn’t to host and be the absolute best while sweating over the stove or dashing around filling drinks—the goal is to connect with people and be present with them.

As the season for gathering falls in our laps, here are seven tips for you to gather with loved ones:

1. Get ahead of the event

As soon as the date is set, I work on the meal plan. I’ve learned what works from trying what doesn’t (testing a new recipe, overly ambitious courses, fussy centerpieces). The priority is being able to sit down with my guests or, at the least, serve in real time (like cocktails and coffees).

Here’s how I do it:

• The menu is a crowd favorite or personal specialty that I know well.
• The tables are set before any major cooking takes place.
• Ingredients are washed and prepped in advance.
• Multiple dishes are assembled or prepped ahead of time.
• The main dish can be left unattended for large chunks of time.
• For large gatherings: Buffet style! The menu includes appetizers, a main dish, 1-2 sides (hot and cold), and dessert.
• For smaller gatherings: Family style! You can also offer more choices with additional sides.
• A paced meal is fun, but only with 8 or fewer guests.
• The kitchen is clutter-free to start (so there’s room for dirty dishes without worrying about cleaning later).

My Notion Meal Planner really comes in handy for this! 

2. Be prepared for helpers

People mean well—they want to spend time with you and help. After over a decade in a tiny, not-so-cooking-friendly kitchen, I learned this the hard way. I couldn’t open the oven door safely with too many people around, and I had to carry heavy dishes across a busy walkway with kids running through—talk about stressful! Eventually, I banned people from the kitchen, which my family found hilarious. But it taught me a valuable lesson: Don’t tell people to leave; give them something to do.

I keep a post-it of small tasks that require minimal effort but help me in the long run. Ice duty, keeping track of paper goods, or topping off drinks are perfect assignments. People prefer to be part of the action, not just watch you get stressed out.

3. Hands-on, hands-off balance 

There has to be a balance between hands-on and hands-off tasks at your gathering. For everything that requires attention, there’s something you can take off your plate.

FOR EXAMPLE:

• If the main dish is cooking in the oven (hands-off), I’m serving appetizers or mixing cocktails (hands-on).
• If the meal has a lot of moving parts (hands-on), there’s a beverage station fully stocked for guests to help themselves (hands-off).
• If people don’t know each other (hands-on), a grazing charcuterie board helps them mingle (hands-off).

Balancing these elements makes hosting more enjoyable and keeps you at ease.

4. The mood matters

Lighting, cleanliness, music, temperature, and decor all matter. Perfection isn’t the goal, but comfort is. You want both yourself and your guests to feel comfortable. A clean living space, fresh bathrooms, and a tidy kitchen help with peace of mind and the flow of the event. You don’t need a spotless home—just focus on high-traffic areas and keeping things neat.

Dim the lights, put on a soft playlist, make sure there’s airflow in a warm kitchen, and set out simple flowers and candles. These small touches make a big difference, ensuring everyone feels relaxed.

My theory: If you can make the least comfortable person in the room feel at ease, you’ve set yourself up for a successful gathering.

Browse our favorite items for gathering and dining.

5. Treat yourself

Hosting is fun, but it does require effort. You've heard me say that life is the occasion—you can use china for your morning coffee and invest in quality items. This is where you can really apply that philosophy. Think of it as a "reward," a kind and thoughtful gesture to your future self. If you ordered a cake from a bakery, grab a couple of pastries for yourself or your household for the next morning. If there are leftovers, dish a serving into an oven-safe container for later. Picking up flowers? Snag a candle to burn during cleanup. Always get quality eggs after a holiday meal (stuffing eggs benedict is my single best creation). If I'm buying wine for dinner, a bottle of bubbly always makes it to the cart for brunch the following day. Making your life easier also means enjoying yourself after the party is over.

Going somewhere this season? Treat the host(ess) just like you would yourself! 

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Something always goes wrong when you have an audience. Your secret weapon lasagna had undercooked noodles. Never had an issue with your plumbing? Wait until you have 30 people in your home. You watched your perfectly behaved pet nearly knock over three guests. I don't make the rules; it just happens. I once hosted an Easter brunch where the main dish was so inedible, I peeled all the dyed eggs and made avocado toast for everyone. These things happen.

You know what your guests won't remember? What they didn't eat. You know what they will remember? How you handled the situation when things went awry. Switching gears and ordering pizza, laughing at the improbable odds of that one vase toppling and grabbing a vacuum, or forgetting the rolls in the oven and turning it into a family joke—these are the moments that stick.

Don't sweat the mishaps or things you can't control. These are your people; they understand and love you no matter what.

7. Make what you love the priority

My mom loves setting tables and arranging flowers, so every holiday, that’s what I watched her do. I love cooking and plating, so that’s where I focus my energy. Maybe you’re an extrovert who loves visiting with guests, a baker with a flair for desserts, or a designer who loves creating beautiful tablescapes. Whatever part of hosting brings you the most joy is worth prioritizing. Your enthusiasm is infectious, and your guests will naturally pick up on that positive energy.

Ultimately, hosting is about creating moments of connection and joy. It's not about perfection, but about sharing your home, your time, and your love with the people who matter most. By focusing on what brings you joy and letting go of the small stuff, you'll create gatherings that are memorable, meaningful, and truly enjoyable—for both you and your guests.

So, the next time you're planning a get-together, remember: keep it simple, stay present, and most importantly, have fun. After all, the best parties are the ones where the host is having just as good a time as the guests.